When you move jobs for work, you will inevitably leave some friends behind in your former workplace. The same applies to retirement.
Not everyone you work with will be a friend. Far from it. Many will simply be work colleagues. Perhaps the only thing you know about them is their name and department, and if they are single or not (!). Others will be good enough friends to go and have a drink with after work.
But how many will you actively seek out once the daily interaction is lost?
The ‘2 Beers and a Puppy’ test
In his book “Works Well with Others: Shaking Hands, Shutting Up, and Other Crucial Skills in Business That No One Ever Teaches You”, American author Ross McCammon came up with a unique test. To work how you actually feel about taking a work friend onwards into your retirement social circle, ask yourself just two questions:
1. Would you have two beers with this person?
2. Would you allow this person to look after your puppy over a weekend?
Friend or foe?
You now have four categories:
| 2 BEERS | PUPPY | |||||||
| no | no | |||||||
| yes | no | |||||||
| no | yes | |||||||
| yes | yes |
- Two nos: Avoid. They were probably a pain at work anyway.
- Yes to the first, no to the second. Nice for an occasional catchup and a laugh or two.
- No to the first, yes to the second: Maybe a little short on conversation but ultimately dependable. The dog will be safe, cuddled and cared for.
- Yes to both. As McCammon says:
“These people are wonderful people and your life and work are better for having them in your life. Seek them out. Collaborate with them. Enjoy their company.”
Keep your friends close…
Let’s be honest. Keeping a friend in retirement, especially if you have retired and they haven’t, can be hard work (pardon the pun). This is mainly because your timetables won’t align as they used to do.
- They can’t necessarily leave work for a midweek lunch, or have the free weekend time to be spontaneous as a retired person can be.
- Equally, your schedule may not coincide with theirs as you travel more, are busy with new hobbies, or tied up looking after grandchildren.
McCammon is somewhat dismissive of the ‘no beers, yes puppy’ category, saying these people are:
“These people are no fun but they make the world a better place—for puppies, especially.”
Personally, I think they are people that actually are worth nurturing and spending time to discover what floats their boat. Find the kind of activity they like to do (not everyone drinks beer) and meet on their terms and turf. If after two or three meetings it isn’t just working for you, bribe them to be your puppy sitter – and that’s it.
Cruise besties
Using the two questions to identify potential friends is useful in any situation, not just at work. I’ve found a similar situation on cruises. Once you’ve dismissed the type of who drains the bottles of free bubbly at breakfast, or the one whose stories are the same two nights in a row at the bar, you can seek out the others.
When you find the new potential ‘yes and yes’ candidates, they are the ones to spend time with. Collaborate with them by teaming up on the excursion that might be fun, but you never quite know (Mongolian nose flute lesson, anyone?). They are then the ones to swap emails with, and to meet up with after you’re back on terra firma.
Finding “beer and puppy” people in everyday life
“Yes and yes” people will also emerge when you start a new hobby, volunteer or join a community group outside of work.
Remember, McCamman says:
“Seek them out. Collaborate with them. Enjoy their company.”
The first two are actions; the third is the result. You need to be pro-active to achieve the reward of enjoyment. Find common points of interest and share tasks with them if you get the opportunity.
One of our social media team were recently involved in a ‘clean up the clubhouse and grounds’ day for their sports club. New buddies met over drills and 2×2″ timber, pots of green wood preservative, and endless cleaning buckets. These new friendships were definitely helped by everyone there being already ‘active’, turning out on a cold and dull April Saturday morning to support their club and give something back.
Ask before you leave
So whether you’re retiring from a large company, school, or close-knit business, ask those crucial “2 beers and a puppy” questions before you leave. Then you can take the friends you want with you (and hopefully a new puppy sitter or two).
Want to plan a better retirement but not sure where to start?
Contact me for your initial, no obligation discussion about your personal circumstances, goals, dreams, passions and interests. Together, we can work out the best way forward for you.
